My 70-Year IDENTITY Shift
“Of all the “stories” we make up about ourself…none are as solid as ‘Identity'”.
~ Gene
About a week or so ago, I had a realization: that I tend to be a bit emotionally depressed.That surprised me…as it came up a few weeks after my 80th birthday…when, one might presume…that I had gotten to ‘know’ myself relatively well by then.
But, that was not the case in this instance.
Indeed, I am not ‘who’ I thought I was.
I am not the solid, emotionally-stable, optimistic guy I viewed myself as…and had for many, many decades.
Wow.
In coming to terms with this, I began recalling my 20s (a most ‘telling’ decade it would seem). That coincided with the infamous 1960s and the potent revival of Folk Music: ala Pete Seeger, the Weavers, Woody Guthrie, Leadbelly, Odetta, et al.
As a consequence I became quite familiar with the old ballad “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow” …i.e. “I’ve seen trouble all my days.”
Let me say that I IDENTIFIED with that rolicking tune. That was “Me”…reflected back from the Collective Consciousness.
Yet, I did not ‘show’ that to the world.
That could have scared away acceptance and love of others.
No, I was “Easy-going” Gene.
Such a Nice Guy!
Sure, I got grumpy from time to time…but I did not lead with that. Not wanting to alienate anyone.
I noticed during this time that couples would often settle into different Roles: one partner taking on one expression…the other, a matching one.
When I discovered that my 2nd wife had a rockier emotional life than me, I moved fully into the “solid”, “emotionally-stable”-one role.
That literally became my Identity
…that became who I was
…in a developing co-dependency
…how I thought of myself
…how I wanted others to think of me [which may not have worked as well as I imagined (as most such things do not)].
I welcome this recent awareness, as it signifies that I am open to big changes within myself. Perhaps, ‘Old Guys’ are not as ‘settled in our ways’ as society presumes.
Likewise, it is an opportunity to step-outside the Either-Or-ness of that old worn-out pattern.
In my own human-ness, I can retain a fluidity…and be who I actually am in each moment…and not need to maintain an Image or Facade in order to “Fit Into” this culture, into this reality.
***[A View from the Front Lines of this Reporter’s observations of “Being Here Now”… ]
Blessings & Namasté,
Gene